TaxMamas TaxQuips

There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn’t get worse every year.

I am having an out of money experience.

Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

Dijon vu—the same mustard as before.

I am a nutritional overachiever.

I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

Practice safe eating—always use condiments.

If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.

It’s frustrating when you know all the answers – and nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Age doesn’t always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show.

Courtesy of the old I-Helpdesk & WebReview

Your clean humor is welcome!

Read more Money Funnies and Inspiration here:

http://taxmama.com/category/asktaxmama/money-funnies/

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• Chain Letter Type 1: Make a wish!!!

  No, really, go on and make one!!! Oh please, you’ll never have that much $$! Wish something else!!! Yeah, and you think you’re good looking enough to get in bed with that? Right. STOP!!!! Wasn’t that fun? :) Hope you made a great wish :)

  Now, to make you feel guilty, here’s what I’ll do. First of all, if you don’t send this to 5,096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be ravaged by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It’s true! Because, THIS letter isn’t like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE! Really!

  Here’s how it goes:

  *Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. *Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter. *Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be furious with you forsending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life. *Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be incensed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will Toilet Paper your house and throw rotten eggs at your window screens.

  Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

• Chain Letter Type 2

  Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Bindiaverypoortummyian who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no belly button. This little boy’s life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Bellybuttonless Boy from Bindiaverypoortummyian Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the e-mails sent and this is all a complete load of bull. So go on, reach out.

  Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder – if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will perish instantly.

  Thanks again!!

  The point being? If you get some chain letter that’s threatening to leave you nooky-less or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.

  If it’s funny, send it on. Don’t piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who’s been tied to dead elephant for 27 years, whose only saviour is the 5 cents per letter he’ll receive if you forward this mail.

  Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your private parts. Really, it’s true!

   

  

  Courtesy of the old I-Helpdesk & WebReview
  from a chain-smoker

  Your clean humor is welcome!

  Read more Money Funnies and Inspiration here:

  http://taxmama.com/category/asktaxmama/money-funnies/

  Ask TaxMama

  Where taxes are fun and answers are free

  TaxQuips

  The number ONE free tax podcast online

  Money Funnies

  Where you can find more humor and fun

  Money Funnies

  Where you can add your comments, too

 

1. Throw out nonessential numbers – including age, weight and height. Let your doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches are a downer.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, fishing, puzzles, crafts, biking, hiking, whatever. Never let

 

the brain idle. ” An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Happiness is a great healer.

6. Tears happen. Endure, grieve, indulge in a brief depression, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s friends, neighbors,family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever – But don’t hoard. Your home is your refuge – not your prison.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. If it’s terminal – enjoy every minute to the fullest!

9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the movies, to the park, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love – that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

 

Courtesy of the old I-Helpdesk & WebReview

Your clean humor is welcome!

Read more Money Funnies and Inspiration here:

http://taxmama.com/category/asktaxmama/money-funnies/

Ask TaxMama

Where taxes are fun and answers are free

TaxQuips

The number ONE free tax podcast online

Money Funnies

Where you can find more humor and fun

Money Funnies

Where you can add your comments, too

Doncha love surveys?
There’s always a study costing millions to tell us something we know instinctively.
Here’s one you’ll love.

Several years ago, researchers from the University of Maryland Medical Center reported that people with a good sense of humor are less likely to have heart disease. The study used questionnaires to gather data on 300 people, half of whom had a history of heart disease.

Those with the previous heart problems were 40 percent less likely to laugh at a humorous situation, and often did not even recognize humor. They were more likely to display anger and hostility.

Unfortunately, it is still not known if humor protects from heart disease, or if heart disease merely causes folks to lose their sense of humor.

Courtesy of the old I-Helpdesk & WebReview

Your clean humor is welcome!

Read more Money Funnies and Inspiration here:

http://taxmama.com/category/asktaxmama/money-funnies/

Ask TaxMama

Where taxes are fun and answers are free

TaxQuips

The number ONE free tax podcast online

Money Funnies

Where you can find more humor and fun

Money Funnies

Where you can add your comments, too

I just received my tax return for 2012 back from the IRS. Not clear why. I am confused!

They are questioning how many dependents I claimed.

I guess it was because of my response to the question: “List all dependents?”

I replied: 12 million illegal immigrants; 3 million crack heads;

42 million unemployed people on food stamps,

1.5 million people in over 200 prisons;

Half of the Middle East; Central and South America;

and 537 persons in the U.S. House, Senate and White House.”

Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHAT THE HECK DID I MISS?

 

Courtesy of Terry Rouse, a very new EA in Georgia

Your clean humor is welcome!

Read more Money Funnies and Inspiration here:

http://taxmama.com/category/asktaxmama/money-funnies/

 

Ask TaxMama

Where taxes are fun and answers are free

TaxQuips

The number ONE free tax podcast online

Money Funnies

Where you can find more humor and fun

Money Funnies

Where you can add your comments, too