TaxMamas TaxQuips

You’ll need the following:

 

• a cup of water


• a cup of sugar


• four large brown eggs


• two cups of dried fruit


• a teaspoon of salt


• a cup of brown sugar


• lemon juice


• nuts


• and a bottle of whiskey. Sample the whiskey to check for quality.

Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it’s the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Mix on the tuner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again and go to bed.

Happy holidays!

Please feel free to share this recipe with others.

 

Courtesy of the old I-HelpDesk & WebReview

Your clean humor is welcome!

Read more Money Funnies and Inspiration here:

http://taxmama.com/category/asktaxmama/money-funnies/

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http://wp.me/pNwS0-39t

 
ONE: Don’t miss the boat.

TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat!

THREE: Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark.

FOUR: Stay fit. When you’re 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

FIVE: Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

SIX: Build your future on high ground.

SEVEN: For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.

EIGHT: Speed isn’t always an advantage.. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.   NINE: When you’re stressed, float awhile.

TEN: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

ELEVEN: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there’s always a rainbow waiting.

TWELVE: Anyone can follow a plan, if you pay attention to the instructions.

THIRTEEN: It only takes one person to save the world.

Courtesy of Ailene Stinde, California Tax Professional…
With some of my own additions

All clean humor is welcome – especially fresh new material

Read more Money Funnies and Inspiration here:
http://taxmama.com/category/asktaxmama/money-funnies/

Ask TaxMama

Where taxes are fun and answers are free

TaxQuips

The number ONE free tax podcast online

Money Funnies

Where you can find more humor and fun

Money Funnies

Where you can add your comments, too

‘Twas Right After Thanksgiving (in California)

And all through the house,
Not a channel was showing any shows worth the price.

The men stood outside with their chests very bare,
And the steaks they were grilling were still oh so rare.

Johnny’s backgammon board was all covered with reds
While his little brothers watched and kept scratching their heads.

Sally in the den, sitting in Momma’s lap,
All cozy together, listening to rap.

When through the front door walked a man with platter,
Piled up with carbs, cuz the calories don’t matter.

His tasty offerings made such a very big splash
That hardly anything was left to put in the black trash.

by Eva Rosenberg TaxMama.com

[If you want to add your own lines…please do – and send them back to me.
I’ll credit everyone who does! Hugs Eva

All clean humor is welcome – especially fresh new material

Read more Money Funnies and Inspiration here:
http://taxmama.com/category/asktaxmama/money-funnies/

Ask TaxMama

Where taxes are fun and answers are free

TaxQuips

The number ONE free tax podcast online

Money Funnies

Where you can find more humor and fun

Money Funnies

Where you can add your comments, too

THE SENILITY PRAYER

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

~~~

Now that I’m ‘older’ (but refuse to grow up), here’s what I’ve discovered:

ONE – I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
TWO – My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
THREE – I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
FOUR – Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded…
FOUR – Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded…
FIVE – All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
SIX – If all is not lost, where is it?
SEVEN – It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
EIGHT – Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.
NINE – I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few…
TEN – Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
ELEVEN – Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
TWELVE – It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
THIRTEEN – The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom – or asleep.
FOURTEEN – If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
FIFTEEN – When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
SIXTEEN – It’s not hard to meet expenses…they’re everywhere.
SEVENTEEN – The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
EIGHTEEN – These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter…I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m here after.

NINETEEN – I AM UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE SENT THIS TO YOU BEFORE OR NOT!

Courtesy of the old I-HelpDesk and WebReview

All clean humor is welcome – especially fresh new material

Read more Money Funnies and Inspiration here:
http://taxmama.com/category/asktaxmama/money-funnies/

Ask TaxMama

Where taxes are fun and answers are free

TaxQuips

The number ONE free tax podcast online

Money Funnies

Where you can find more humor and fun

Money Funnies

Where you can add your comments, too

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Then I decided on bookkeeping. No accounting for taste.

Where do accountants live? In a columnar pad.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in London’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

Velcro — what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Courtesy of my cousin Ziva in Israel…
With some of my own additions

Read more Money Funnies and Inspiration here:
http://taxmama.com/category/asktaxmama/money-funnies/

Ask TaxMama

Where taxes are fun and answers are free

TaxQuips

The number ONE free tax podcast online

Money Funnies

Where you can find more humor and fun

Money Funnies

Where you can add your comments, too